I’m home with my two boys alone this week, they sleep sweetly next to me in our king sized mess of a bed. Three years and 20 months old…best friends, back to back adventures that have awakened my heart and ripped it in two in the same sweet blow. I am a mom walking the tight rope, trying to be the best I can be, to be present…yet circumstances keep me from being with them all the time. I get them for this short, sweet time, 18 years of bliss….but these sweet young days will be gone before I know it.
How do you live when you are inhabiting two places but your heart resides in only one place? How do you live this double life of working professional and fully present mom? Is it really quality over quantity? What if what I have to offer at the end of the day sucks? What if my quality just isn’t enough? Will they thank me for my hard work or resent me for not being home enough?
I don’t know if a working mom ever finds a balance, when the maternal instincts to love and protect your children are undermined by the need to provide for your children, you are immediately thrown into a battle that cannot be won. So where is the grace for the race? What is the answer?
This is where I must choose to lean in on a strength that is not my own. I can’t do this, but maybe that is where it all begins. Surrender is freedom.
These boys are my life, the very reason I get up every morning…they are my greatest joy and I’m doing the very best I can every day.
Wandering Heart Bound 